


How Could You Leave Me?

by averymaples924 (orphan_account)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, Mpreg, kind of, mildly happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8222410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/averymaples924





	

Drowning. Burning. Sobbing. ALONE. 

It’s been a month since it happened. A month since the car accident. A month since he died. A month since I’ve been alone again. A month since I’ve had to start coming home to our empty apartment. A month that I’ve been wishing it was me and not him. 

All I hear is the sound of sobbing. The sound of weak whimpers fall from my lips. 

The only man I’d ever loved died. Because of me. Gilbert is dead because of me. Gone because of me. 

I keep thinking of that phone call, asking for a Mr. Beilschmidt. The words coming from the woman's mouth, “I’m sorry to inform you that your husband has been in a car wreck and there wasn’t anything we could do about it. I’m so sorry.”

All I can do is cry. All I can do is press my hands to my ever growing stomach and think about the ones he left behind. Me, our unborn son. But I only feel bad for him. It’s all my fault.

“Mmm. Birdie, you alright? You look a little frustrated.” He laughed, caressing my cheek.

“No, it’s those damn cravings again. I wish they would just go away…”

“Aww, Birdie, don’t say that! It’s just your baby telling you he wants some food!”

“Yeah, he’s just like his papa, hmm?”

“Mmhmm! Anyway, what are you craving? I’ll go get it from the store.”

“You are the greatest husband ever.”

“Well, duh. How about you give the awesome me a kiss and I’ll get it for you!”

And to make it worse, it’s January 17th. The day before Gil’s birthday. 

How am I supposed to do this without him? How am I supposed to live on without him?

“Hey, Mattie?” Alfred called out, though I couldn’t respond for fear of my voice cracking, showing off my tears. “Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

I continued to look out the window, praying Alfred would take the hint and leave. He came closer, to my dismay, sitting next to me on the bed. He rested an arm on my shoulder.

“This isn’t good for the baby. Mattie, I know you miss him, I get it. I understand how you fe-”

“NO! YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW HOW I FEEL! You still get to come home to your husband every night! You get to smile and just be with him! I don’t have any of that! I feel like I can’t breathe without him! I can’t eat, sleep! I can’t do anything but cry!”

“Mattie-”

“P-Please… just leave me alone…”

“Ok… Let me know if you need something…”

Alfred left the room, an expression of guilt and pity rested on his face. One that Ivan will no doubt kiss away. 

“Gilbert… H-How could you leave me….?” What about me? What about our son…? I thought you said ‘forever’? So what about it? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!? Goddammit! I just wanna die! Let me die! Please! Please, God! Just trade the two of us! Life is meaningless without you!”

“Birdie, I’ll always be with you… I’ll be with you. In your heart. In our son. Always. I’ll aways love you. I love you, Matthew.”

I could hear his voice practically telling me that I could do it without him.

“I love you too…” I choked out a sob. “I miss you…”

~ Time Skip ~

“Gilbert Nicholas Beilschmidt! Get down here and do your homework! You are 17 years old! Have some responsibility! Besides, tomorrow is you and your father's birthday! We have plans with your uncles to go to the cemetery and if you don’t finish, we won’t go and pick up Valentino, understand?” I yelled, needing him to come down and finish his algebra.

“U-Um! One second!” I heard stuttering, making me go upstairs to find my son and Valentino, making out on his bed. 

“Really? Go and do your homework! Now!”

“Shit! Your awesome boyfriend will be right back!”

“Gilbert! Go do the damn dishes!”

“Shit! Your awesome boyfriend will be right back! Calm the hell down west! Love you, Mattie!”

“Nice to see you, Valentino. How is your Lovino and Antonio? Fiore?”

“T-There doing well… I’m really sorry, Mr. Beilschmidt…” 

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault.”

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you still miss Uncle Gil?”

“Every day… he was the love of my life after all. I don’t think a day has gone by since the day I first met Gil that I haven’t thought about him. Plus, my son looks just like him. I see a lot of Gil’s ‘awesomeness’ in him everyday…”

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Beilschmidt.”

“For?”

“I can’t possibly imagine how it must feel to have lost him…” He said, tears streaming from his eyes. “If I lost Gilbert… I don’t think I could continue living…”

“Well, my reason was my son. He and I’s son. I’ll never be able to forget the pain of losing him, I feel it everyday. But, I do know that I’m glad that I got to see him grow up. He’s just like his papa…” I then realized that my eyes were letting tears fall again. “Oh, shit… looks like I’m crying again, eh?”

“Mom…” I heard a call from the door, Gilbert standing there. He came in the room, arms pulling me into a tight embrace. “I love you…”

“I love you too, kid…”

“Oh, Birdie… you are the greatest parent in the world… I love you. Don’t ever forget.”

“I love you too, Pooh Bear…” I whispered, a small smile coming to my face.

“Did you say something, mom?”

“No, just thinking of your father.”

“I’m sorry, Mattie. I shouldn’t have left you alone. But you are doing great. I hope we can see each other again someday soon.”

“Me too. Me too.”


End file.
